Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
