Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Actions speak louder than pants.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They took my balls.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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