The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
