I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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