Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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