'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
