Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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