Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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