where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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