I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
