you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
