I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize