im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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