i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
