My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
