You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
