You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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