Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
