thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
