sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
