My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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