Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
