Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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