My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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