my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
