I want to make a zoo with you.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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