I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
