Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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