so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Randomize
