I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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