Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
