wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My balls are so social today.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just invented taco cereal.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
