Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
