So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
