i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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