Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
