I just made out with a guy for $7.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
