There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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