i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize