U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
