We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize