Walk of Shame. In a state park.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
