I hate all girls vehemently.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
