she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
