Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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