Your favorite bartender is back from prision
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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