I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
