Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
