He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
