just tell him i said nine months
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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