I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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