Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
