i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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