Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
