Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
