At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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