Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize