I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
