you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We talked him into tasing himself.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
