Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
