Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
