"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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