I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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