but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
