Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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