cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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