Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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