My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
