you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
