he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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