dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
