god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Houston, we have a squirter
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
