he wants to bone in the snuggie
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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