i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i came on her dog
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
