well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
