if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
