Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
