Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
