how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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